TTC and a vision of things to come

Well we had originally planned on waiting until October to start trying again but I am not very good at taking my birth control pill and an IUD is not practical since we only planned to delay trying for a few months as we got a few financial matters under control. With our financial landscape looking much better, ultimately the decision was cemented by a vision I had that was quite lucid. It was like a memory yet to happen, in which a child--a daughter--was sitting on my lap with my two boys next to me. A daughter! Over the past year and a half I have been praying for direction and guidance on adding to our family. The silence has been, at times, excruciating. However, in that crystal clear moment, I knew that God heard my cries and listened to my hearts desires and that he will fulfill his promise to bring another child into our family. Now I wait with hopeful anticipation for "no one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame" Psalm 25:3.

If you are unfamiliar with our story, it is that I have a long history of pregnancy loss. I have been pregnant 9 times total; have had two live births: my beautiful boys Ethan and Jonathan; and the rest, all ended in early miscarriages between 4 and 9 weeks. We have undergone a variety of testing all leading to no answers: unexplained. That word sometimes seems a bit daunting-- pernicious even, but I truly believe that we were not always meant to understand everything. God did not call us to understand His ways, or to be able to unravel the mysterious of the universe or even the complexities of the human condition; he simply calls  us to love Him and trust Him to work out all the details of our lives. Granted a life with Him is not free from pain, but it is full of blessings-countless blessing that are seen and unseen.

On another day I will retell the stories of my boys miraculous conceptions, births, the times I almost lost them and the visions that preceded their arrivals.  They are my miracles. I have seen God work all throughout my life, in subtle ways, but at this season in my life on this particular journey (of growing and sustaining our family) I have seen him move mountains. It has been a humbling, awe inspiring and amazing time in my life. I am excited to see how the next chapter will unfold and as of now, I simply wait...